Given Tory economics indicates the party lives in a fairy tale land of inexhaustible gaslighting and magic money trees, maybe they also believe in Hollywood endings.
Rogue Chancer Finally Makes Good, staring Boris Johnson and Minions, directed by, one wouldn’t be surprised, Dominic Cummings, also recently returned from the dead. At a cinema near you.
And why not. Currently the Tory parliamentary party (stuff the country, they don’t count) is deliberating, intriguing and forming new alliances as they scrabble to put together a replacement for Liz Truss, recently eclipsed by a lettuce. Johnson, or The Convict (acbC), is apparently still admired and loved by many Tory MPs, who want him back as Prime Minister (though it should also be said many more are threatening to resign should Johnson become PM again, with one MP even promising to set himself on fire). He got them an 80 seat majority in the 2019 election and though Brexit has ruined the United Kingdom, he did get it done. He did lie a lot, but he’s likable; and though an extra 20 or 30 thousand people died whilst he dragged his feet on COVID, shouting “let the bodies pile up” and partying, anyone would have done the same under such pressure.
It’s remarkable Johnson only needed two holidays to recover since being booted out. One in Karystos on the Greek island of Evia (where only days earlier I had myself dined at the same restaurant), and one in the Caribbean, from where he has just jetted back in a bid to reclaim his wallpapered pig pen.
Let him have another go I say. He may well be reformed, especially after all that holidaying. Maybe this time round he’ll turn out to be a real Churchill and not a cheap knock-off. Who knows, maybe he met his Ghosts of Christmas in the Caribbean, even in summer, and will heed the warnings and learn valuable lessons. Don’t lie, or buy wallpaper you can’t afford, booze on the job, and don’t employ elves who then stab you in the back after you’ve stabbed them in the back. If he listens to all that, he could be a good PM. (For a handy summary of The Convict’s crimes, see Fines, lies and chaos: a reminder of Boris Johnson’s time as PM, though this list only covers crimes committed whilst in office).
On the other hand, he might make another pig’s ear out of it, which will not only be disastrous for the country but for his legacy. Currently he might perhaps rate not a respectable but at least not entirely ruinous write-up in Wikipedia, as having, okay, lied about the Brexit issue, yet nonetheless delivered a landslide victory for the benefit, perhaps not of the country, but at least his party.
I’ve got my money on the pig in him, should he manage to bamboozle his minions yet again. Though if he ushers in a millennial era of prosperity, I’ll pay for his meal next time he comes to Karystos.