These days one is very frequently tempted into giving one’s opinion – generously, without solicitation and for free – to anyone who is unable to avoid hearing it. One of the most common deliveries of this nature concerns Italy and Italians, and usually starts with “Italy is a beautiful country; the food is great…” and so on. But it frequently winds up by concluding that Italians themselves are in fact an undeserving, primitive lot who are still a good many branches short of a full, Darwinian landing (as opposed to Albanians, say, who are an entire tree-top away from climbing down).
Not only do Italians drive the wrong way around roundabouts; or lawyers, notaries and government officials answer the phone without identifying themselves (just in case it’s a disgruntled punter, of which there are many); not only are drains positioned in front of an ATM machine exactly at the spot where you would drop and loose forever your credit card; and not only do lift operators, bus and taxi drivers go for lunch between 1.30 and 4.30 pm, precisely when everyone else is going home for lunch as well; but also, if that were not enough, everyone suddenly forgets all of these more wicked and annoying traits of Italians and only remembers the food and architecture.
The response by Italians to such an admittedly outrageous and disrespectful affront (as delivered by opinionated foreigners) is usually quite predictable: if Italy is so bad, they say, why don’t you just go back to where you came from? (This always confuses me, because I’m not sure where I came from).
But it has recently occurred to me that this standard and almost universal response can easily be countered by realising that most Italians themselves in fact wish to leave Italy. After which it becomes a mere formality to rebuke any uppity native who dares question the authority of a judgement delivered by one of Her Majesty’s subjects: I’m here through choice, one answers, where as you have to live here!
The situation is found in many countries throughout the world, though it is in many cases a lot worse. Egyptians for example, have an irresistible desire to tell you (after having tried to sell you something of course) that Egypt is the greatest country on earth etc. And that all other countries are green with envy because they haven’t got what Egypt has. Which is, exactly?
The exasperating response, we soon find out as if we didn’t know, is that Egypt has pyramids and tombs, as well as a thriving broad bean industry that churns out foule (the national dish) by the giga-tonne.
In counter exasperation, the only response to this vexation is to point out that both the pyramids and the tombs were built by a race that would, to a man, turn in their graves to find out who it was that now lived in their place. And as far as the broad beans are concerned? Well, we won’t argue with them on that one.
So, the best advice to long suffering though opinionated foreign visitors to any nation, is that if ever you are confronted with the plaintive and rather idiotic response of “why don’t you go back to where you came from”, the only counter-response is, “What a good idea”.